


I Dream of You and Lose My Mind

by RinHaruismyOTP



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RinHaruismyOTP/pseuds/RinHaruismyOTP
Summary: Morgana struggles with the boundaries between reality and dreams.





	I Dream of You and Lose My Mind

Morgana awoke, and then instantly she was screaming. She clutched at her face with her hands, taken by surprise when it became wet with tears and her screams turned to broken sobs. She could remember the dream, all of it so vivid, playing over and over again inside her mind, watching herself scramble and rage in the rush to reach, to get closer to, to hold-

 _Gwen_. _Gwen, lying on the ground, body broken and face pained as she struggled to live, gasping and twitching. And Morgana was held back, unable to reach her lover’s side, held back by a force so strong that not even her fury could break past it, not even her grief. And Gwen-_

_Was dying, dying, gone._

A dream. It was a dream. And yet-

Morgana could remember a time that her dreams had been more than dreams. The past life where she was a sorceress, daughter of Uther Pendragon and bloodthirsty for her brother’s throne. Back then, her dreams had been real.

And now, as she lay down on her bed in the twenty-first century, she couldn’t help but worry if a dream was really just a dream.

***

When she reached Gwen’s flat, Morgana hoped the signs of her tears had been largely wiped away. At Gwen’s gasp when she opened the door, however, she doubted that was the case.

“Morgana,” Gwen whispered, hands coming up to catch her face between her palms in a gentle hold, and-

_She watched as Gwen’s hand twitched one final time before going limp on the ground, and-_

She was crying again, into Gwen’s hands as her girlfriend tried unsuccessfully to wipe away the continuous stream of tears. “Mor- Morgana what’s wrong?”

Morgana just shook her head, unable to speak, and captured her lips in a fierce kiss, relief filling her at the taste of her lips, the shape and pliancy of which she could and would write sonnets given the time, that proved to her that this, here, was her girlfriend, her lover, her everything. Alive, not lying motionless on a dusty ground, bloodied and bruised.

Gwen kissed her back, deep and hungry, before releasing her with a confused sound. “Morgana?” she said uncertainly, and Morgana managed a small smile in return.

“I,” she started, but stopped as her mouth dried up. Gwen moved to the side, gesturing for her to come into her apartment. She took her hand and guided her to the sofa, settling her down and sitting down to face her. She didn’t try to rush her, and Morgana felt such a rush of love for her that she drew up the hand still clasped in her own a placed a gentle kiss on the knuckles. “I had a dream,” she said, and Gwen breathed out. Morgana couldn’t tell if it was of relief or anxiety, but Gwen’s grip tightened. “You were- you were dying, and I couldn’t reach you and then,” her voice cracked and she had to look away, but Gwen’s fingers trailing down the side of her face brought her back.

“Oh Morgana,” she sighed, and her face showed she had guessed the next part of the dream. “I’m here, I promise. I’m not going anywhere, it was just a dream.”

Morgana leant into her hand and closed her eyes, listening to Gwen’s breaths and trying to match them. She knew, objectively, that Gwen was right, but nevertheless… “But what if it… wasn’t?” she asked hesitantly, sitting up straight and looking Gwen in the eyes. “Back then, they weren’t just dreams. I was a seer, I watched Arthur and you and Merlin and I saw what was going to happen. You know that. What if-”

“What if this one was a prophecy too?” Gwen finished, then smiled. “Morgana, you’re not a seer anymore. You’ve spoken to Merlin, magic doesn’t even _exist_ anymore, and if anyone could still have magic it would be him. The only thing magic about this world now is us _being_ here, finding each other again.” She grinned. “And Arthur _not_ being a prat.”

Morgana gave a weak laugh. “You’re right. I just- I’m just so, so scared of losing you,” she admitted, and shook her head when Gwen opened her mouth to speak, speaking before she could. “I did such terrible things,” she whispered, eyes stinging, “and I can’t help but worry that the universe is going to try and punish me by hurting the person I love the most.”

Gwen looked near tears too. “You did terrible things,” she agreed, “but you’ve already been punished for that. You _died_ , Morgana, and even now that you’re alive again you pay every day torturing yourself for it. But you don’t need to. You are a _good_ person, Morgana, I see it every day, you’re caring and sweet, and you try so hard to give back. The universe gave you a second chance, and you seized it. You made the most of it and helped people.” Her bottom lip was wobbling. “You are a _good_ person,” she repeated.

They were trembling, but when Morgana kissed her their lips were stable against the other, passionate and familiar.

When they slept, Morgana drifted off to the sound of Gwen’s heart beating.

**Author's Note:**

> Argh I'm sorry this is so crap, it's mainly just trying to get me back into writing :/
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed it? Tell me what you think?? And please tell me if you notice any mistakes!!


End file.
